30 Signs that prove you’ve married an MBA

Super MBA, Achamba, has the degree. But he isn’t married. The closest he got to the holy institution of marriage was when he designed the website of a matrimonial site.

But does that stop him from giving advice on marital bliss? No way!

It is tough to lead the life of a top MBA. And it’s tougher to live as the wife / husband of top business school grads, whether it’s an MBA after marriage or marriage after MBA.

In a research paper titled ‘Spousal Arousal‘, Achamba spoke to better halves of many MBA graduates to find out what it really means to have a MBA husband or wife.

You might try the denial card (i.e. forget the fact that your better half has an MBA degree), in order to avoid problems in your happy married life.

But there are clear signs that pop up unexpectedly to prove without a doubt that you’ve have married an MBA.

30 Signs that prove you’ve married an MBA

1. Extols the virtues of having a vision/mission statement for the family.
2. Sex has become a serious productivity and health improvement tool, to compensate for all the missed visits to the gym.
3. Wearing the same undergarments for days at a stretch…in the name of leading an eco-friendly, sustainable lifestyle.
4. Before having your first kid, suggests having a pet frog for 6 months…just to go through the learning curve.
5. Has entered the personal details of your milkman, postman, mailman etc in the ‘vendor management‘ folder.
6. The topic of school fees for your children gets an emotional counter-response about how evil and capitalistic the education industry has become.
7. Texting on the phone while gobbling down the meal on a romantic date is justified as multitasking.
8. Instead of a marriage proposal, you got an ‘elevator pitch’.
9. Orders pizza 4 times a week and announces that outsourcing is the wave of the future
10. Justifies your kid’s pocket money as ‘seed capital’
11. Refers to your parents’ home visits as senior management review – ‘painful, yet mandatory for the betterment of the extended family’.
12. Hates going to the mall for weekly grocery shopping. Prefers ordering online at the last minute. Because ‘just-in-time principles reduce inventory’.
13. In the fancy dress competition, when all the other kids are dressed up as pumpkins, elves, fairies…your kid shows up as a financial advisor.
14. In the spirit of process optimization, cancels the movie plans and suggests viewing 3 downloaded movies in the same time using fast-forward mode.
15. Keeps referring to the pregnancy planning as market entry strategy.
16. Presents a statistical and graphical analysis of your kids’ performance over the last 3 quarters to the class teacher.
17. Your family vacation pictures don’t go into an album, they go into spiral bound annual report.
18. Defers sex-education discussions with the kids, saying ‘human resource development isn’t my core competency.’
19. Calls up every single relative and friend in the phone book once a year as part of ‘stakeholder management process’.
20. Asks the cable guy to take a short psychometric test before allowing him to touch your TV.
21. Suspects people who ask ‘How are you?’ Interprets it as the beginning of a behavioural interview.
22. During parties and informal get-togethers, includes the Myers Briggs personality type and GMAT score in the self-introduction.
23. Instead of regular names, assigns stock market symbols (YHOO, GOOG, TWTR) of top companies to your pets.
24. Refers to your bank balance as ‘sweat equity’.
25. Ocassionally questions the existence of God, as there’s no documentary evidence or audit trail to prove it
26. Like eavesdropping on neighbours’ private conversations. Calls it competitor analysis.
27. When the waiter asks ‘How was the food?’ goes the extra distance to give the chef, manager and bouncer a 360 degree feedback.
28. Asks you to sign the handmade Valentines Day card along with the clause that it doesn’t violate the plagiarism and ethical guidelines.
29. Asks your daughter to write a Statement Of Purpose (SOP) on why she wants to go for the class picnic.
30. Shows empathy to the beggar at the signal by drawing Maslow’s Pyramid, pointing at the bottom and telling him ‘This is where you are right now’.

If you found this interesting, please share it with your wife, husband, girlfriend, boyfriend to give them a taste of what’s in store.

Read more about the Adventures of Achamba – The Super MBA.